When Mom is the Student

I started college the fall after graduation just like you’re “supposed” to. I moved out of my home and into a TINY dorm room with a complete stranger on the campus of a Christian college. I didn’t really know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I was expected to get a degree, so I did a cannonball into the murky water of college life.

I hated it.

I had a terrible work ethic, though I always scraped by with decent grades thanks to late nights making up mnemonics to remember key points. I am not sure I retained much information from my freshman year because I had my eyes on a good lookin’ boy at home who wanted to marry me and my brain was pretty focused on the logistics of that.

The next fall I moved back home to attend a state school that I had previously thought I was too cool to associate myself with (I know, rude). I had my wedding spring semester and by that fall I was very pregnant when school was starting again, so I took some time off. I always intended to finish what I started, so when my first son was six-months-old I attempted to go back, but after I found myself pumping breast milk in my car and sobbing because I missed my baby, I decided to delay even longer. It wasn’t worth it to me at that point and I happily went home to snuggle my baby. I don’t regret that decision at all. 

I ask myself often if the decisions I make are based on what I really want or if I am just trying to meet other people’s expectations.

Up until that point I hadn’t been thriving in my pursuit of an education because it wasn’t my dream I was chasing, but rather the dream that my family had for me. I was reminded pretty regularly that my choice to start a family young and “drop out” of college was disappointing. I never understood why I had to be considered a dropout when I had intentions of finishing eventually, on my own terms. I wasn’t giving up; just delaying to follow what made me happy.

I gave birth to four beautiful humans before I decided it was my time to invest in an education.

I was terrified thinking that at nearly 30 I would be the granny of any class I attended. I even felt like my peers would think I must have done something wrong for showing up late to the game. When I walked into class my first day back, I was pleasantly surprised. There were people of all ages and walks of life, I was definitely not the granny and nobody seemed to care that I’m a nontraditional student. If you want to take classes, but fear or intimidation is holding you back, I hope you will take my word and show up anyway because the only person judging you is yourself!

I definitely feel like there are advantages to completing school before you have a family. Nobody is drawing on your note cards. There are no tiny fingers desperately poking every key on your keyboard while you are trying to write a paper. You don’t have to find a babysitter to go to a study group. You don’t have a paper due in three hours and a sick baby who need your attention at the same time. But I really believe there are some important advantages to being an older student too. I appreciate my education so much more and have a love of learning now, rather than just cramming information to make a good grade. My work ethic is better because I know my children are depending on me and if I am going to spend time away from them, I really want to make that time count. The most important advantage in my opinion is that my children see my journey. I hope they remember watching me do homework with a nursing baby on my chest. I hope they remember sitting in my lap while I take an online quiz. I want them to watch me and know they can do anything they want to do if they work hard.

There is a lot of pressure to know what you want to “be” when you grow up, but I want to raise my children to know that happy is the best thing you can “be.” The road to happiness and fulfillment isn’t the same for everyone; some people take a scenic route and some take the freeway. I see the potential rising in each of my kids and I hope they will use their talents and abilities to make a difference in the world, but I don’t believe that there is only one road that will lead them to that. 

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I am having a really great time figuring it out.