After two and a half weeks of social distancing, I’m learning a lot about myself. It seems like overnight everything changed. I became a homeschooling mom and DIY mom. My Stay-At-Home-Mom status was upgraded to Can’t Leave Your Home Mom, and while I understand that I’m not expected to be perfect in my new role, the pressure of feeling inadequate is resounding
After all, there has been no formal training. We had two days to prepare for homeschooling, social distancing and keeping my two busy kids occupied ALL DAY LONG. Even when it rains day after day. There might be an overwhelming amount of resources online, but it’s honestly too much. Social media is a blessing in this tough era in our country, but it can be too intrusive. It tempts me to try every idea I see or feel like I should be doing more.
I need a break from feeling the pressure to be the perfect homeschooling and DIY mom.
My kids have watched way too much TV, eaten too many snacks, skipped too many school lessons, fought constantly and been unattended outside too often. But I’m slowly starting to not care. When my daughter doesn’t want to finish her preschool lesson, I let her go outside and play. We can come back to it later. When my kids want to eat a snack even though they JUST had breakfast, I let them. And when I see another post about homemade playdough, I skip it. We attempted this already. It came out okay, but not worth my time. The cute pastel-colored play dough was quickly mixed into brown and smeared all over the floor and toys. I’d rather buy it from a local store and support their business.
We also attempted homemade bracelets made from pasta and pipeline cleaners. My two-year-old couldn’t comprehend that the pasta was not for eating. We’ve tried to sit down for reading sessions through Mother’s Day Out and Aquarium tours. We’ve tried listening to the preschool Bible lessons on Sunday mornings while my husband and I listen to the sermon. We’ve tried virtual gymnastics classes, virtual PE classes, virtual meetings, virtual everything…
Either I need to try harder to figure out how to entice my kids to be interested in more enriching activities or quit my day job.
It’s not just the homeschooling and child rearing. It’s the housework, cooking, cleaning, organizing, and shopping (more like rationing). I don’t understand how it’s possible to be a one-man show and maintain sanity. Granted the lack of socializing has an effect on my attitude, but still, I don’t think I’m cut out for this role.
I’m turning in my notice.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the quality time that I have been able to spend with my family. We don’t have to set an alarm clock. We don’t have to go to after school activities. We can stay up late if we want to. I have loved all of the snuggles, cuddles, dance parties, dress-up parties, and walks outside. There are many perks to being tied to the house. We are not suffering like so many other families. I realize that many mothers would give anything to be with their kids rather than be working right now, but as far as educating and enriching my kids at home all day, I need help.
I’m going to stick with my old job: playing it by ear, only taking on as much as I can handle, taking breaks when I need them, and making healthy meals a priority. As soon as that role opens up again, I’ll be ready to transfer departments. For now, I am going to do my best to keep my kids (and myself) ALIVE!
How do you feel like you have failed during this time? What have you learned about yourself (good or bad)?
