Self-care seems to be all the rage these days. Everywhere I turn, I hear people talking about the importance of prioritizing yourself. I have heard suggestions that range from pedicures to spa getaways to full weeks of vacations with your friends. Honestly all of these things sound amazing. I can imagine I would feel refreshed after a weekend at my favorite spa. My daydream of a salt scrub facial is interrupted by my toddler who just wiped peanut butter on my shirt.
Reality is like a cold spray of water right in my face.
I remember one particular Sunday when I had four children under the age of six. I arrived to church early one morning eager to drop my little ones into the nursery so I could sit silently in the pew for one uninterrupted hour. My husband had been working out of town and I was weary from days of solo parenting my children who needed me for every single thing. As I entered the nursery, the smiling face at the door handed me a baby rather than taking hold of mine. “It’s your turn on the nursery rotation, didn’t you get my message?” I fell into a puddle of tears. Embarrassed by my tears, red faced from stress and overwhelmed with responsibility I rushed into the quiet of the nursing room to gather my composure. I sure could have used some “me time” back then. While I may have dreamed of the opportunity, the reality was that I was needed elsewhere and getting a break from my children seemed like more work than just sticking it out.
Don’t get me wrong; I think we certainly need breaks from time to time. The problem for me was that I could never figure out how I could get away — it was not possible in that season of my life. So, when people would suggest yoga classes or manicures, I became more frustrated.
Then I came up with a solution. I had to learn to make my own breaks.
I created a strict schedule and forced my free-spirited self to stick to it. I knew that if I split the day up into two parts, with a break on each end, I could manage to survive those early years. A nap (or quiet time for my older ones) in the middle of the day allowed me an hour or two of peace after a busy morning. I was protective of that time and rarely allowed anything to interrupt it. I used that time to read, scroll through social media or even nap! After that break, I was able to face the second half of the day. I strictly enforced a 7:30pm bedtime for years so that I could have a break in the evening as well. This was self-care! And I didn’t even need a babysitter or a large bank account to accomplish it.
That kind of self-care definitely made me a better mother in those years of parenting young children. This is the kind of achievable model we need to be talking about. The afternoon out or weekend away will leave you refreshed for a day or two at best. Creating a lifestyle of self-care is sustainable and creates boundaries that help us replenish even on the most difficult days. Learning to endure the work of motherhood made me a better mother and knowing that each day a break was just around the corner helped me make it through.
